Reflection

sitting in my almost empty apartment thinking about how fast the semester has flown by. realizing that time sometimes goes faster than we want it to . it makes me realize that you have to love the little things in life or in a sense "step back and smell the roses" I still remember the first day i moved in, Whitney and i rushed to get the door open and stood in the doorway for a second excited about our new place, as we walked around it just seemed like any other apartment, nothing special, another place i was going to be sleeping at for 4 months, nothing i would ever consider home. i thought that no matter how much time i spent in this place and no matter how many pictures i put up on my walls or how many times i made cookies or my moms cinnamon rolls, this place would never feel like home. I was so happy to be outta my parents house once again and live by my own rules, but something didn't feel right, it was an empty feeling, maybe the realization that i was over a thousand miles away from home, or the face that i was trying to fix my broken heart and running away seemed like the best solution. My mind was racing, i had been up for a good 48 hours and yet i wasn't tired and i couldn't figure out why. I brought all my stuff inside and dumped all my clothing on my bedroom floor, as i was hanging stuff up and folding everything neatly, i told myself that no matter what, i need to stay positive this semester, the only way i was going to be happy was to make myself happy. I got all my stuff put away and was anxious for the other girls to move in. I came down to my living room and turned the TV on and laid on the floor, curled up in a ball, and fell asleep. it was probably the most amazing sleep i have ever had in my entire life, you know what I'm talking about, the one where you wake up in the same position you fell asleep in realizing that you drooled all over your pillow, you dreamed of nothing, your head is clear, and you feel like you can accomplish anything. Whitney and i were here for 2 days by ourselves until the other girls moved in. we quickly became close with all the girl, hung out together, partied, and i started to realize that my goal for the semester of being happy was going to be achieved. I was anxious for classes to start, for "my life to begin" in a sense, and as the semester started and my life got busy again, i realized that i was the only person that could make myself happy. The school week went by, and the weekend came, i met new people, new guys, started to feel like i was getting back into the swing of opening up to people, i made sure that no matter how i was feeling inside i would always always always have that smile on my face, even if it wasn't real i would fake it until it was. i started enjoying things again, all the bonfires and rock climbing and dirt biking a four-wheeling and swimming and so on and so forth became my new escape. i was truly becoming happy again. The semester continued and i realized that i had so many things about myself that i wanted to change, they weren't huge things, but things that for a while i had been annoyed with and each day i made a conscious effort to improve those things that annoyed me. the semester has almost come to an end. i have one more final to do and i am officially done with my freshman year of college. time flies by so fast and i have realized that its not ever going to slow down, so take every second and make the most of it. don't be afraid to put yourself out there, to possibly get your heartbroken, to fall in love, and so on and so forth, because when you put your everything into something the outcome will be worth your while. my apartment now feels like a home, i am sad to be leaving Idaho, i never in a million years thought i would say that, yes, i am excited to be going home. i miss my family and friends, but I'm also going back to the place where i have experienced the most disappointment in my life and that's something that i am trying to comprehend and handle. i know that my family will always be there for me no matter what and that my parents will always  support my decisions, but i also know that i have a lot to work on to get to the place i wanna be. the sky is the limit, reach for the stars.